I miss you...

I miss you so bad, I won't forget you, so it's so sad...

Dear Angela,
I don't even know where to begin. You were the reason I started this blog in the first place, it was so much easier to keep you updated here than trying to make our schedules correspond so we could talk everyday. I regret greatly that I haven't updated this since November, but regardless I tried to keep you as updated with my life as possible because you mean that much to me.. I guess I should get down to the point of writing you this internet letter.
I can't believe you're gone; it just hasn't even begun to sink in. You were like another mother to me, you always said how much I reminded you of yourself when you were my age. I take that as one of the greaest compliments I have ever recieved. You were an amazing woman with a great and loving personality.. You were absolutely beautiful inside and out. I've heard nothing but good things about you and how much you impacted so many people. I'm beyond grateful to have met you, an angel on earth, and now in the sky <3 I see how many people cared about you and still do care about you, and it makes me hope that I have just as many people who will one day say such great things about me as they do about you. I miss you so much, this hurts more than I could have ever expected it would. I feel so redundant you were an amazing woman though. I've been going through our skype conversations and I saw how much you helped me through and kept me strong. I'm really gonna miss that. But, I can say that I am so lucky that I have you watching over me from up in heaven even though I'd rather have you on earth with us.
I know you'd be happy to see Alex and I talking again, I just wish it was under much much much different circumstances. I'm sure him and I both do. When he called me I just dropped to my knees and sobbed. I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. I kept thinking "No this is wrong, this isn't happening right now. She can't be gone."  I'm here for Alex through and through regardless of what he and I have gone through. Because I know he would do the same for me if this happened to me. He'll always be in my heart, you knew that better than anyone. He and I made a promise, we're keeping in touch from now on. I can't afford to lose him again. Not only that we both thought that throwing away 3 years of friendship, almost 4, was a bad idea. I knew that too would make you happy. Because I knew how much you wanted us to just settle our differences and be better. We're getting there I think. It's a process, but I feel as if I'm getting my life back together in a way, bu it's falling apart too by losing you. Please watch over him and me. Especially him, for me, please. I know I speak for the both of us when I say that we'll miss you so much. I went home this weekend because it's much easier to be there for someone in person then through texts and phone calls. When I hugged him there was no doubt in my mind I didn't want to let go. He's the only one of my friends who really understands just how much you meant to me. He saw how I confided in you and how much I loved just sitting around and talking to you. I came over to not only see him, but to get to spend time with you. He understands how close we were and knows how hard I'm taking this. You helped me get by when we broke up. You saw how much it physically and emotionally affected me. You kept me strong and had faith that someday we'll be together. Now I don't know that, but your optimism about a situation that I lost faith in kept me going. And for that I thank you. He means the world to me which you knew, but I figured I'd tell you again. You raised an amazing son by the way. 3 to be exact. Orin and Jay mean a lot to me too. Your whole family welcomed me in even after all that bad stuff happened. For you I'm beyond thankful.

You live on in my heart, forever.
And until we meet again, just remember, I love you and I'll miss you. <3